16 Things To Stop Doing To Be Truly Happy in Life

I often found myself asking, “What’s the worst feeling in this world?” Is it losing your loved ones or losing your dream job? Is it having a heartbreak or just being betrayed? Or just not knowing how to feel truly happy and lose your spark?

I had absolutely no clue until life put me there. I won’t say that I’ve experienced all the awful feelings in the world. But, I know how it feels to be betrayed by your trusted ones. Or leaving a place that you just have so many memories with.

Those feelings did hurt me. But, it wasn’t so late until I rose up and started being on track again. Life was going great honestly until… “I hate my life” or “I just want to be happy but can’t be happy at any cost” feeling finally hits.

I don’t remember where it all fell apart, but I couldn’t recognize myself at all. Then, I stopped finding happiness and being happy by doing everything that once used to make me ecstatic. “Don’t worry be happy” – these types of motivations from the people around me or all those self-improvement videos or blog posts – nothing seemed to help.

I was ready to do anything to stop the runway train. Until I realized, there wasn’t anything I could do. But there were things that I had to STOP DOING in order to be happy again.

Consequently I took the high road and started analyzing every single of my behaviors and actions. It wasn’t effortless at all.

But to make it easier for you, I’m putting a list of the 16 things I stopped doing to pull my life together and be happy again. So that, every time you’re feeling stuck in a rut, instead of looking everywhere, you can just look at this post and find out what’s wrong with your life now and what to really fix to become a happier person .

Image Source : Unsplash

So, if this is something that makes you interested, have a good read!

Pretending as if Everything’s Fine Just to Feel Happy

When you’re feeling that nothing is working out in your life, it’s definitely one of the worst feelings. But what’s even worse is to live in delusions.

Because the first step of improving is to understand that you need improvements. However, sometimes in the name of having a peaceful mind and just being happy, we lie to ourselves. We make ourselves believe those lies and swallow them. But they often work like slow poisons.

Do you ever look at some overconfident people and ask yourself – ‘how they’re ruining their lives so willingly’? Keep an eye out because you might be doing the same now to yourself.

ALSO READ : 15 Simple Ways To Become a Happier Person

Trying to Prove Yourself to Others

“Don’t waste time on proving yourself, Just focus on how you can improve yourself” – Jay Shetty

Very often we start living based on other’s expectations. Eventually as time passes, we forget about what’s needed for us.

Look, if you were born in a well-off family, it’s completely normal that the people around you, including your parents and other relatives are going to have some kind of expectations from you as you grow up. If you’re the oldest of a family, they might also set you as a role model for your other siblings. You might often feel burdened with those expectations as well.

But, the moment you start letting them have an effect on your mind, your spirit starts wearing off. Because, those expectations are never going to come to an end. However, that doesn’t mean that you’re going to get all aggressive and just focus on disappointing them by choosing a completely different path.

You’re definitely not the be-all and end-all. But nobody knows what’s best for your soul. So, stop trying to prove yourself to anybody.

Do it for yourself!!!

Doing Self Harm

If you think that self harm only lies in cutting your skin, punishing yourself physically, then you’re not alone. Because, I used to think in the same way. Until I realized, self harm also comes in self destructing behaviors and most dangerously, it can often go unseen or unnoticed.

In fact, putting off your hygiene, refusing to take regular mills or the prescribed medicines or simply not asking for help are also forms of self-harm.

Whatever situation you’re doing it for, just know that it will get better.

Even if life has caused you some permanent losses, just know that you won’t feel the same after a year or two. But the damages you’re causing to yourself might have a permanent effect.

If you’re doing it for somebody, they’re probably living their best lives and not even thinking about you. You deserve love but mostly from yourself. And to become truly happy, your own support and beliefs are what you’ll need the most.

Putting Your Happiness Into Other’s Hands

“When you build your home within other people, You give them the power to make you homeless”

If you’ve found somebody or a friend, who takes care of your heart all the time, then it’s definitely amazing. But it only applies to one or two or perhaps to a group of people.

Because, most people are busy caring about their own lives and finding their own solutions to “how to be happy”. They cannot just be there for someone else all the time even if they want to.

Though they do make efforts for the people they care about, just because you give so much importance to somebody, does not necessarily mean they think of you in the same way. You can still be a side character in their story and you might never know.

Back then, I would get hurt when somebody I liked a lot, for example, a close friend of mine, didn’t want to talk to me. I felt bad when she would call me her best friend in private but would act like a stranger in public. I felt that most of the conversations were forced most of the time. Therefore, I started assuming that I was just a boring person. I was broken-hearted when she didn’t defend when somebody was talking bad about me in front of her.

But, soon I realized, their behaviors were the answers all along. NO RELATIONSHIP MATTERS MORE THAN THE ONE YOU’VE WITH YOURSELF. You’re the one to choose who you’re going to have expectations from. You’re at the sake of your own happiness.

Trying to Control Every Aspect of Your Life

According to Very Well Mind, “It’s when we try to control everything that we create unnecessary stress and anxiety that can hold us back. It’s important to realize that we can never control everything.”

Even though most of the things we do in life, we do them to gain control. We seek tips to be emotionally intelligent since nobody wants to break down and look like an emotional fool.

Well, being vulnerable DOESN’T necessarily make you an emotional fool. But we think in this way because that’s what most people have been taught (including me).

Growing up I was taught about the importance about power and being in control only to feel truly happy. So, I would desperately try to please others and create a good image. But, obviously I was unsuccessful in this regard. Which by time took me to a melancholy state of my life and caused me to lose my happiness completely.

But I would like to let you know, life is also about unpredictability and letting things be. There’re abstract things in this world such as happiness which I feel is another very unpredictable emotion that sometimes comes to you even at the moment when you don’t expect it at all.

Neglecting Self Talk

When you know that you’re doing something that’s just not right for you or other people, you might want to neglect talking about it to anyone and even yourself.

I know many people who even lie in their own personal diaries that will probably never be read by others. How come you look for honesty and expect to be happy and feel success in your life when you’re not even honest with yourself?

Though negative self-talk can actually be very harmful, acknowledging your mistakes doesn’t really mean that you’re criticizing yourself. But it’s just a sign that you’re aware of what you’re doing and willing to improve the situation. Most importantly, you can talk with yourself gently and peacefully.

See, nobody will ever hear the conversation or judge you thereby. So, there’s no reason to hide from yourself. Instead focus on creating a beautiful bond with yourself and being your own best friend first to be truly happy in life.

Hanging Out With People Who Don’t Appreciate You

I’m not telling you to constantly hang out with people who feed your ego by giving you compliments all the time to be happy. But there’s people who find it hard to say even a “thank you”

These are the same people that you put so much effort into and they just make you feel as if it was your responsibility to please them. Not asking for anything in return might be a renowned selfless act. But asking for just the acknowledgement of your efforts isn’t a bad thing either.

These people are not only ungrateful, but crazy narcissists and do gaslighting and will eventually make you believe that whatever you’re doing for them isn’t enough.

So, stop being with such people if you don’t want your mental health to be completely ruined and be truly happy in life. Because you don’t owe them anything.

RELATED : 10 Valuable Lessons I learned that Changed My Life

Aiming for Perfections

According to Borreti Inc, “Perfection simply doesn’t exist“

That perfect piece of poetry or that art piece you’re seeing is probably a result of years of practice.

Recently I read this story where a girl once met a famous painter and asked him to make her a valuable art piece. The painter drew something within 30 seconds only and handed it to the girl. Seeing her being disappointed or suspicious, the painter told her to bring it to any painting shop she knew. When she showed it to a famous art gallery head, he offered her a brilliant amount for that art piece. Understanding the value of it, she met the painter again and asked him how he made such a perfect art within 30 seconds. And he said – “it took 30 years of practice for me to create this masterpiece in 30 seconds”

So trying to achieve perfectionism is a creative way indeed to kill your creativity and dreams. Stop doing this to be truly happy in life.

Resisting Your Voice When It’s Needed

There were plenty of times when I was told something wrong but chose to be the nice person and then went back to my place and had conversations in my head that never seemed to stop. These conversations contained basically the things that I could’ve said or should’ve said but didn’t.

And at first it might seem like nothing, but by time, you’ll start hating yourself for letting yourself be humiliated by others. See, trying to avoid conflict by not saying the proper things simply don’t work. As these sadistic abusers will always try to push down to your limits. And I think, saying the right things at the right time is far better than holding a grudge or repenting later.

It’s best to shut them up, especially why they didn’t expect you to come up with a response. So, don’t aim to be a nice person and expect to be happy in that way. Observe, question and use your voice to become truly happy in life.

Trying to Fix Others

I would feel bad, in fact horrible, when I wanted to fix a part of someone else’s  life and I couldn’t do it. I used to believe in the spiritual energy stuff which I still do. So, every time, I saw somebody who was a part of my circle or my life, doing bad, I felt that it was probably because my energy or company wasn’t good for them.

So, I would do anything in my control to fix them. If I saw somebody with low self esteem, I would give them sincere appreciation 24/7 with a hope of never getting it back. If I noticed them hanging out with toxic friends, I would go beyond my level to give them company and consult them on friendships and keep them away from those toxic people. Only for them to assume that I was being a barrier in their friendships.

After a while, I realized it was actually my fault because nobody ever gave me the responsibility of fixing their lives. And they were always the same even when they hadn’t met me.

If you’re trying to fix somebody, just know, it’s just who they’re. So, basically their happiness is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS . Furthermore, If somebody doesn’t take your suggestions, it doesn’t make the suggestions worthless.

You gave advice and didn’t choose to ignore it all. You played your role and that’s great. But some people just don’t get them because they prefer ruining their own lives instead.

RELATED : Self Love Isn’t Selfish

Depending on Others

As much as you shouldn’t try to fix others, you shouldn’t depend on others either to be truly happy in life.

Though depending isn’t always a bad thing because you can’t definitely do everything on your own, and this is also how many relationships are built. But that doesn’t mean that you can put all your emotional tantrums on somebody and expect them to take care of your problems.

If you’re having a breakdown, you can definitely call your friend or and yap about it. But don’t be shocked if they refuse to listen to you someday. Because they’re not your therapists. There are actual therapists and people to help you on the journey of being truly happy in life again.

Also, I warn you, people are really good at breaking expectations. In most cases, if not one, then you’ll definitely find another shoulder to cry on. But, prepare yourself because sometimes you mightn’t find any. Self-reliance is indeed the best way to be truly happy in life.

Looking for an Answer All the Time

I would like to explain it by a generic story that many of you might already know about.

Suppose a snake bit you. But instead of trying to get relief from your pain and cure it, you start running behind the snake and try to ask it “Why did you bite me?”

Well that’s what many people actually do nowadays by trying to look for an answer in situations . Because they do not recognize that the REAL ANSWER is already in it

Though looking for an answer is a sign of personal development according to many users. But looking for an answer in situations that you can’t control can actually be very undermining for your mental health and self esteem.

For example, Suppose someone called you ugly. And you ask them, “why do you think so?” and here you’re clearly giving in to their thoughts again. Because what’s the point of asking for logics while you know that the point is completely invalid. They found you unattractive because you might not be their type. They might also say it as your confidence feels too much to their insecure self.

But whatever the reason is, it doesn’t matter and isn’t worth knowing. Remember that, he’s just one of the 8 billion people on the earth. And even if I can’t see you, I just can say that you’re definitely pretty and attractive to loads of loads of people.

The same goes with ghosting. Trying to know the ‘why’ from someone who doesn’t want to do anything with you is a waste of time. Ghosting is NOT okay no matter what situation they were put into and that’s the ultimate answer that you need.

Also, being prompted to look for an answer is common when any of your unhealed traumas is triggered. But getting a reaction out of you is all they wanted. Don’t let them succeed! Stop trying to look for an answer in everything if you truly want to be happy in life.

Holding Grudges

“Forgive but never Forget” – We’ve heard of this already for a plenty of times. But nobody tells us what exactly we’re not supposed to forget. Are we supposed to now remember their shitty actions and carry it with us for the rest of our lives?

Well that’s exactly what many people do – burying themselves with the actions of others.

Please understand that by holding grudges, you’re giving the power of controlling your mind by creating negative emotions, to those who made you feel powerless or helpless at some point of your life.

Also know that holding grudges play a massive role in ruining the relationships in your life. Sometimes people do things that are not really worth holding grudges. Maybe they approached the thing in a different way than you did, making it wrong in your eyes.

In such minor inconveniences, just talk it out clearly and express your emotions and place your complains with a view to solving it. And if you see them doing the same things over and over again, then you can clearly see that they don’t respect your emotions and you walk off with a good lesson that you’re not going to forget. Or just a good feeling that you didn’t tolerate shits.

According to Good House Keeping, Holding grudges can also have measurable negative effects on your mind and your body. Grudges are about anger that won’t quit, called “chronic anger” in medical research, and chronic anger is not good for you. ”

So there’s no way you should hurt your physical, mental and spiritual health for someone who just didn’t care about you.

Trying to Ignore Negative Emotions

I know that it seems a little too harsh at the first glance. Because, most of the things we do in life is to gain happiness and just be truly happy. In fact, trying to achieve long term happiness isn’t a bad thing either.

However, according to many people, negative emotions are directly antithetical to happiness. So instead of trying to gain positive emotions, they’ll do anything to ignore the negative ones.

But is ignoring negative emotions the only way to gain happiness in life? Or does it really bring you happiness?

Recently I was talking to one of my friends. And I asked her “What’s your dream?”. Her answer was – “I don’t have a dream as dreams often don’t come true”. I was intrigued and a bit pissed off by her answer but chose to not show it at that very moment.

Now logically, her answer was not so wrong as things often don’t go in the planned ways. But strong dreams and passions give you a ‘why’ which gives you the power to think of strategies and take actions to make the impossible possible.

In the same way, I’ve seen many people calling themselves emotionless or gaslight themselves into keep doing the shittiest and most life-ruining things.

And the question is – “How long will you run away from them?”, “Where will you go when life hits you on the face?

So instead of trying to ignore these emotions completely, analyze them and think of ways to decrease it’s impact on you. Even better, do something better with it. Use your negative emotions to create the positive ones.

Sharing Everything with Everyone

Though it’s generally advised to not keep your emotions to yourself, but trust me, sharing everything with everyone isn’t something you should really do. You should definitely seek support and advise when you’re in peril, but doing it to the wrong people, from my experience, will just not let you be happy but will surprisingly make you unhappier than you think.

According to Psychology Today,  “Saying too much, to the wrong people, in the wrong spaces—that’s just awkward—and can cost you friends and lead to other negative repercussions that oversharers usually don’t recognize until it’s too late

Not everybody is worth knowing every detail of your life and most of the times, you can sense who those people actually are..

You might be sharing the information casually, but you never know how they will process it. You never know if they’re going to add a little spice and spread it as a rumor the next day. Besides, there are people who clearly don’t know how to process the emotions of others and themselves.

Suppose you’re going through something really saddening and the person you’re sharing it with is just sitting bluntly in front of and showing no supportive reactions. It’s probably because they don’t know how to face emotions because they might never have faced theirs. But this one thing is enough to make you feel that your emotions are worthless and shut you up completely.

So, sharing everything with everyone or oversharing is something you should stop doing right now to be truly happy in life.

Comparing Yourself With Others

Comparison often stems from a natural human tendency to evaluate ourselves against others. It can be a way to gauge our progress or position in life. However, when comparison becomes a habitual practice, it can lead to negative emotions like envy, self-doubt, and dissatisfaction.

When we constantly compare ourselves with others, we tend to focus on what we perceive as our shortcomings or what we lack. This not only undermines our self-esteem but also diminishes our ability to appreciate our own unique strengths and achievements.

In the age of social media and constant connectivity, it’s easier than ever to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves with others. Whether it’s someone’s seemingly perfect life on Instagram or a colleague’s achievements at work, comparing ourselves can rob us of our own happiness and contentment.

Instead of comparing yourself to others, use that energy into your own personal growth. Set meaningful goals that align with your values and aspirations. Celebrate your progress and accomplishments along the way, regardless of how accomplishing they’re comparing to others.

Related : The Ultimate Guide to Stop Feeling like a Loser

Final Thoughts:

Very often, people like to compare their lives with video games. Honestly, I won’t be surprised if you’ve already seen some of these sick motivations on the internet already. Because, I’ve seen them quite a lot of times already.

Treating your life like a video game isn’t relatively wrong if you only focus on winning. But, just to let you know, nobody can win all the time. In a game, if you lose, then you lose. You’ve to start all over again and sometimes you can’t.

But, the only time life takes away the chances from you is when you’re dead. You’re a human and you deserve to be treated with resilience and you deserve to be given as many chances as it’s needed.

I hope this list helps even a little bit. If you’re feeling totally down as if your life is wasted, just know – Nobody needs you more than you need yourself and Bad times don’t last forever.

“The art of living lies less in eliminating our troubles than growing with them.” – Bernard M. Baruch

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That’s all for today’s article. Don’t forget to leave a comment about your thoughts regarding this post.

Question for you: What’s the one point from this list that really resonates with your life and that you think you should stop doing immediately?

Let me know the answer in the comment below!

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