Do you ever wonder if the person who claims to be on your side or your friend is really a friend? Or just another person who secretly dislikes you but too afraid to say that.
Fake friendliness or niceness has become a common term nowadays. For various reasons, we can’t often express our dissatisfaction freely around other people. Sometimes we’ve to keep being nice to them as these people could be our bosses, bosom family friends or school peers or work colleagues. Chances are, you do it too or used to do it at some point.
But not everyone does this ‘fake niceness’ just to keep the peace or avoid confrontation. You can never say who has ill intentions. There’s no such bad feeling when you realize that you’ve been used by your own friends all that time. When you understand that people who claim to be your friends secretly dislike you, it can hit you so hard.
But the thing is, real friends would never really use you. Those are the people who secretly dislike you, but you just didn’t know. That’s why I always respect people who directly dislike me way more than those little snakes who just didn’t have the courage to dislike publicly, so they did it silently.
Even worse, some people actually have no intentions of benefiting from us. But they just don’t get along with us, so they keep being polite instead. But we misunderstand their kindness as ‘pure bond’ and prioritize these people over those who actually were ready to share their space with us.
Therefore, it’s so important to understand when someone secretly dislikes you. Understanding the signs doesn’t really mean you’re going to have to confront them immediately. It’s up to you what you want to do, though I genuinely feel life is too short to spend it with people who secretly dislike you.
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But just knowing about the signs that someone secretly dislikes you can help you to identify who actually deserves to be on your priority list and where they stand in your life.
Thus, you can navigate the relationships in your life properly while saving yourself from being backstabbed or used by others.
Or if you still can’t ignore the bad circumstances entirely, as most people can’t, at least you can say, “I SAW THAT COMING!”
In this article, I’ve explained some major signs that indicate that someone secretly dislikes you while explaining every point correctly so that you don’t get lost in the middle of the sea.
So, if that’s what makes you interested, have a good read!
1. Questionable Amount of Eye Contacts
Eye contact is definitely a key element for communicating with others. Even though many sources suggest that people who are uninterested in you or secretly dislikes you will put more effort into avoiding eye contact than keeping it, it can actually go both ways.
Avoiding Eye Contact :
Eye contact is nowadays considered one of the most important factors of keeping a conversation going. Proper eye contact not only signals interest in knowing what the person has to say, but it can also symbolise assurance, trust, and sincerity. Just when you’re wondering if the other person is truly listening or understanding your points, a small nod from them can make your fear go away while offering you a little more comfort.
So, in contrast, if a person is constantly avoiding eye contact, they definitely don’t want you to feel the assurance, sincerity, or trust.
Many people avoid eye contact to distance themselves emotionally. Though it’s not a powerful sign of secret hatred. But putting constant efforts in avoiding eye contact with you, especially when you know they’re not that much of a shy person, is a clear sign that this person secretly dislikes you.
Too Much Eye Contact
Some people might try keeping eye contact too long to avoid feeling guilty.
Do you ever talk with someone and just feel that they’re just staring into your soul, as if you’re see-through? Well, it could be a sign that this person is trying to read and actually doesn’t trust you fully yet.
In certain contexts, people do this to establish dominance by intimidating the other person slightly.
So, eye contact is definitely something to watch out for while identifying if someone secretly dislikes you. Some might avoid eye contact, while some might do the opposite by making too much eye contact. Though both parties might not have similar intentions. But now that you know, none of that is actually good, you can deal with it easily without being confused.
2. They Roast You ( Excessively ) In Front Of Others
Roasting friends, making fun of them in a way that creates a fun environment, and non-seriousness is a common thing in friendships. But it’s only fun until the whole room is laughing except you.
Some people like to use ‘roasting’ as a way of making the other person humiliated without facing confrontation. In this way, when you protest about it, they can easily blame the whole thing on you by saying you’re just ‘too sensitive’.
But here is the thing, the real ones would always be aware of their words and the topics they’re choosing to talk about. Because non-seriousness can never be an excuse to hurt someone’s feelings, especially if you’ve already made it clear that you don’t like it after they did it once.
A person that I’m no longer friends with used to constantly try to make false assumptions and jokes about my core family beliefs, as hers was different.
And when I spoke up, all I was told was, “Such a sensitive person like you isn’t ideal for friendships”.
But here I am, rising above and I have found my own circle that respects my feelings.
These extremely weird, beyond intelligent people somehow think that heavy sarcasm is a great way to make fun of someone. Guess what, you’ll grow without those who secretly dislike you too and bloom better than ever.
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3. Does Things ‘Nonchalantly’
Sometimes it really doesn’t take some grand gestures to make the other person happy. All it takes is some proofs that they made efforts.
But what’s disappointing is that some people don’t even make enough efforts to reciprocate what you’ve done for them already. You might take the charge, be detail oriented while seeing them doing the exact opposite when you ask them to do the same for you. And these simple things can be :
Taking a pic
You tell them the pose or give instructions, you take multiple photos for them to choose from while they just take a photo anyways and don’t even give you a moment to comment on it.
Wishing on Your Birthday
You planned things for the other person and even brought or made some gifts for them. But in your case, they didn’t even bother doing anything near that. Just a ‘happy birthday’ text to your inbox. Like seriously?
And I’m saying it from a real experience. Oh and yes they would buy gifts or act differently in other friend’s birthdays though they always claimed me to be one of the special ones in their lives.
And there are many more things like that you might notice. Don’t just put it off when you feel something strange. Excuses have always been easier. But a real person wouldn’t make it. So in short, if you see a person doing the smallest things nonchalantly, it’s a clear sign that this person secretly dislikes you.
4. Gives Backhanded Compliments
Backhanded compliments are the most wonderful ways of immediately dismissing one’s excitements while making the person feel small and defeated.
Backhanded compliments are a lot common in academic and professional settings. Sentences like
“good for you that you can now finally stop feeling like a loser”
“After the promotion, now you can finally have enough to go to the vacation you could never go to”(laughing sound)
“If we had tried like you, we could’ve done so much better”
Break you silently. In my personal life, I’ve been said the last line by a few of my pals.
And the same people would say things like “she only does well as she tries hard, but she has no brilliance” in my back. They never made sense to me but made my visions got clear about the people I used to know.
So yeah, if a person uses such backhanded compliments, you immediately know that this person secretly dislikes you.
5. You’ve to Hesitate (a lot)
A person who secretly dislikes you might often try to make you hesitate or embarrassed about very small things or things that really don’t matter.
It can be anything as small as the style of your hair or the things you post on your social media.
Back in time, I was a part of a friend group whose leader was a beautiful straight hair girl. That girl was also my ex bsf with whom we agreed to stay on good terms. But one time, I was made felt as if I didn’t belong . Just because my natural hairstyle was different than of theirs. I was mocked by the same person once for posting something on my own social media that she unfortunately didn’t like.
And guess what, it didn’t take time for me to realize that she had been hating me the whole time behind that friendly mask.
A person who secretly dislikes you but can’t say it out loud will try to make you feel about really small things that often go unnoticed and is really never a big issue. So when a question or laughter is posed, you’ll feel, ‘maybe I should’ve paid more attention‘ instead of asking them about their behavior.
But the truth is, if you didn’t see any problem in doing it, then there’s no problem. At least you’re just doing your own thing and not harming anyone else.
But if they still feel violated or try to make you feel bad about it, you know what has ACTUALLY been going wrong. And yes, it’s not what you did or how you did it, but there’s definitely a problem with the people you chose for yourself.
6. Doesn’t Put Efforts In Communicating
Someone who secretly dislikes you will try to avoid communicating with you as much as possible. But in this hectic life, just saying “I don’t want to talk to you” feels so rude. right?
So, often these people try to use other methods to avoid you. Some of these can be:
Calling themselves non-expressive
“I just don’t know how to express myself or share thoughts” .
And then the next minute, you see them being the most talkative version of themselves with someone else.
One word answers
You devote a whole paragraph to them, trying to tell them how you’ve been feeling lately or anything that you felt was worth sharing. Or maybe you’re just desperately trying to keep a conversation going.
But all you hear is “hmm” . “oh” . “k” . A clear sign that they just don’t want to talk with you and maybe this person just secretly dislikes you.
Makes any info as short as possible
Maybe they were kind of given the responsibility to give you any information which they’ll have to now. So, just for that’s sake, they just leave a word and that’s it. No detail and loads of places for confusion.
For example, maybe a birthday party of one of your friends has been planned for weeks. And you get to know about it through a text just before the day. “You’re invited to the party”.
That’s it. They had to so they did. Where’s the location, when it was planned- well you gotta find these out on your own!
7. Looks Drained With You But Joyful With Others
Affection and niceness can be faked. Sometimes a smile can be faked too. But what can NEVER be faked is energy.
A person who secretly dislikes you will not find comfort in your presence regardless of what you do to make them feel comfortable.
You might try switching your personality. Or coming up with interesting topics to talk about. But chances are, nothing will be able to bloom a smile on their face.
And while you’re trying so hard, you might find them enjoying silence with others. You might also notice that they’re actually super friendly, but not just with you.
So, now it’s not a soul-tie that they only have with others. But a disconnection that’s only felt with you. It’s saddening, confusing and painful. Specially when you’ve been trying so hard.
But just know that it’s fine. You can never be liked by everyone. And it’s totally okay. Better to get rid of someone quickly who secretly dislikes you.
8. Doesn’t Put Efforts In Clearing Confusions
A person who honestly cares about your feelings, in contrast to a person who secretly dislikes you, would never really leave you in sheer confusions. They’ll clear it out definitely.
One time, I had this person in my life who wouldn’t bother even answering the most serious questions. However, they could write a whole essay about how they just don’t like explaining.
See, from my views, not being fond of explaining could never be an excuse unless you’re asking too often. If only they cared a little about how a storm had been going on within you regarding the topic, they would’ve provided an answer. They just never cared.
9. Doesn’t Include You In Groups
A person who secretly dislikes you will never think of you as one of themselves. You might often find yourself being excluded from group chats, not knowing about certain events that other had planned about or simply being the uninvited one every time.
And when you go to them to ask them about this, you’ll most probably hear “We didn’t even invite that many people” .
But if a friend group has been keeping you as one of their specials and now suddenly thinks of you as one of many people, is it even normal?
In my cases of being uninvited, there would be people getting the first invitations that had a beef with me. So they always had a pre-made answer – “I thought you wouldn’t come”
Well at least you could have asked! This logic is as vague.
I’m telling you from my experience, you’ll be made feel guilty to even ask that kind of questions or further. But those logic for excluding you from a group are completely illogical. Just a clear sign of how these people secretly never liked you as they claim to do or just secretly dislikes you.
10. Forgets Important Details About You (constantly)
A person who dislikes you secretly will never bother remembering the important days of your life. And it can be as simple as your birthday.
Let’s be honest, a person doesn’t have a thousand birthdays.
“I just don’t have a sharp memory”
Oh! then a kid’s brain must be sharper than you as that kid will at least try to remember something if they’re being reminded of it over and over again.
It’s just that, they don’t like you enough to remember details about your life. And when someone’s actions don’t match their words, it’s a sign that this person secretly dislikes you.
11. Shows Little To No Emotions Around You
Vulnerability is in the core of building any deeper connection.
It’s possible that a person is just not used to being open to others.
But a person who secretly dislikes you will try to keep it as much neutral as possible going out of their way. Some of the signs can be lack of enthusiasm or blank expression and lack of interest. Or when everyone is laughing at your jokes, they stay unhinged or unimpressed.
These expressions are clear signs how emotionally closed off they’re around you. If someone is showing these expressions, chances are, this person secretly dislikes you.
12. Doesn’t Respect Your Views
A person who secretly dislikes you will most probably never find your opinions worthy.
As a result, your most innovative ideas might seem absolutely boring and unhelpful to them. You might find yourself being interrupted in a conversation often.
In fact, a person that you made your boundaries clear to might try to push you off your limits and actually not care about what hurts you.
If anyone ever acts in a such ways, this person secretly dislikes you.
13. Dismisses Your Sadness
A person who secretly dislikes you will try to dismiss your sadness. Because they simply don’t have the patience to listen to you or console you.
They might say things like – “Others have it worse than you” or “it’s not even that big” .
Well, there are many people who have it worse than you and the world is truly unfair. But it doesn’t make your pain invalid. The real ones will get you and will try to get you out of it while those who secretly dislike you might just brush it off.
Because at least in future, they can also say – “I was there for you” and earn a credit maybe.
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14. Weird Reactions To Your Successes
Your triumphs make them awkward, dismissive and silent.
When a person secretly dislikes you, in the face of your achievements, they just go wordless. No celebration, no congratulations, just a nonchalant behavior as if there was nothing to talk about at the first place. Some might try to use backhanded compliments and thus dismiss your success.
One of the reactions that I faced from one of my friends is that every time I would achieve something or do something that could make a difference, I would hear things like
“Oh now you’re too good to hang out with us”.
I don’t know if she used to do it to make me feel guilty about my success or just out of her own insecurities. But one thing is clear, a real friend would never act in that way. It’s only possible to show these reactions for a person who secretly dislikes you.
A true friend is someone who corrects you on your mistake and appreciates you on your win. A friend is with whom you are not afraid of being judged.
15. They Don’t Ask Anything About You
Do you ever face those awkward moments when you ask something to someone and thought they would ask too. But they don’t, and so you just say it on your own.
-“Are you doing fine”
-‘Yes’. …….( awkward silence )
-“Oh great to hear that. I’m doing fine too”
A person who secretly dislikes you might never ask anything back in a conversation.
( PHOTO 4 : CONVERSATION)
Not because you’re a less interesting person. But they know that if you answer and ask something in back again.. and thus the conversation might go on which clearly a person who has been trying to avoid and secretly dislikes you will never want.
16. Closed off Body Language
If a person shows any of these body languages around you, then it’s an indicator that this person secretly dislikes you –
- Crossed arms : It indicates Defensiveness, resistance, or unwillingness to open up. It’s a classic barrier gesture — like they’re physically protecting themselves or closing themselves off from you.
- Feet Pointed Away from you : People often don’t control their foot direction — if their feet are pointed toward the door or away from you, they may want out of the conversation.
- Minimal or Stiff Nodding : Real engagement brings natural, loose nodding. Robotic nods suggest they just want the convo to end.
- Turning the Body Slightly Away : Instead of facing you straight-on, they angle themselves slightly to the side — signaling they don’t want to connect fully.
17. Doesn’t Take a Stand For You Publicly
Some people can’t support you in public because of how they talk about you in private
Did you ever encounter someone who didn’t take a stand for you as they had some kind of friendships with those humiliating you. So they didn’t even dare to say a word.
It’s a sign that this person secretly dislikes or never really liked you.
They might say – “But they’re my friends too”.
But let me unfold it for you.
The real sentence is actually – “I don’t like you enough to risk my friendships for you”
18. They’re Quick To Reach Conclusions
A key difference between a real friend or a friend who has been pretending to like you is, in times of conflicts, one is solution focused. While the other one also focuses on something – the conclusions.
They’re often so ready to make assumptions about you or mark you as the bad guy.
If just because of a simple conflict, you see a person trying to break it all, it could indicate that the person secretly dislikes you and maybe was wanting to get rid of you for a long time.
19. They’re Too Busy For You
People who secretly dislike you won’t surprisingly have time for (only) you .
If someone has a lot on their plate or just extremely busy in a particular month because of their work, then it’s a different thing.
But if you see them making plans with others and hanging out and suddenly when it’s you asking, they tell you how they can’t even manage some times to sleep properly. Then it’s a sign that this person secretly dislikes you or actually never liked you enough to manage time for you.
And one thing I will always argue about is no one is ever too busy to give a text back or make a phone call throughout the day.
Everybody has got 24 hours. With the time they’re calling you sensitive and non-understanding, they could’ve easily shared some kind words.
But someone who secretly dislikes you will never find you worthy of his time.
20. They Keep Count of Favors
Who doesn’t like to do favors to their favorite people? You do, I do and everyone does.
Just being a giver all that time and receiving literally nothing even not once in a blue moon is sheer form of blindness.
But when someone does something out of love for someone, they don’t do it with any special intentions right at that moment other than seeing the person happy. By expecting something in return, we often expect to see those people just putting the same amount of efforts or energy. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s healthy and absolutely normal.
However, people who secretly dislike you, their favors always come with a special intention.
They make you feel as if you’re in some kind of debt. And when you’re already there, too much invested and grateful, now they’re ready to play their cards.
Suppose you’re too uncomfortable to do something and then you hear things like “I did that thing at that time for you, and you can’t even do this for me.” Or when you try to move on from something or someone when it gets toxic, you might easily hear them saying it to everyone that how you used them all that time.
These people actually never felt anything for you at the first place. They’ve just been disliking you or waiting for the right moment all that time.
Final Thoughts :
Dislikes or secret hatred don’t just come off as spelling your secrets to others or talking shit about you behind your back. Those are definitely signs. But that old list is now too short or outdated to identify who secretly dislikes you properly.
However, you should never be too focused in identifying the wrong ones that you actually start to take everything personally.
Some people are genuinely not so expressive. I have a friend of mine who hesitates to talk about her problems even if she had been suffering for months.
These people don’t like talking much about themselves or others and so aren’t easily open to conversations. Therefore, always watch out how they act around others.
If it’s quite different than it to you, then you know it’s a sign that maybe this person secretly dislikes you.
It doesn’t always mean that you couldn’t offer them comfort. Maybe they just couldn’t find comfort in your company and still recognized your efforts in trying to know them.
Human emotions are so complex.
One key tip :
Always believe in your guts. If something just doesn’t feel good even though you visibly don’t find anything wrong in that person, don’t force your guts to like them. You’ll meet more amazing people on the way.
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That’s all for today’s article. Don’t forget to leave a comment about your thoughts regarding this post.
Question for you: What was the last time you encountered a ‘fake nice’ person?
Let me know about your story in the comment below!
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